![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theladywandererat the end of the day, what do we all want? what is the thing that grabs us, shakes us down, threatens us with eternal misery unless we have it, can produce it, can guarantee its presence and its continuation? it's one part impossible wishes and one part melancholy dreaming mixed with a healthy dose of a dog on the floor at your feet, a hot cup of tea on the table beside you, and an episode of star trek you've yet to see queued up. it's taking those dreams from before, those fuzzy-future hopes of being with people, going places, doing things, and making sure they don't fade, even as they've lost the ability to be realized.
it's been a little over six months. i still dream about him, keep coming up with increasingly improbable reasons for him to still be alive. i miss him. i miss him when i watch the news, when i check the weather, when i read a sports related clue in the crossword, when i make hot drinks, when the dogs do something silly, when i do laundry, when i read about interesting history, when i think about getting a new job, when my heart skips a beat, when i hear another old comedian he loved has died, when i need a level, when i have to carry my dog outside, when i need a hug.
especially when i need a hug.
it's been a little over six months. i still dream about him, keep coming up with increasingly improbable reasons for him to still be alive. i miss him. i miss him when i watch the news, when i check the weather, when i read a sports related clue in the crossword, when i make hot drinks, when the dogs do something silly, when i do laundry, when i read about interesting history, when i think about getting a new job, when my heart skips a beat, when i hear another old comedian he loved has died, when i need a level, when i have to carry my dog outside, when i need a hug.
especially when i need a hug.
